IF: OUR SECRET OUR BONDS (English Version)
by Fuyu Aki
Summary: Both of them are the best of the best as a friend. They know everything about each other even about their secret. But since when everything change? Kira never says anything about his secret and maybe Athrun does the same thing as well. Athrun got a rumor abut his best friend relationship with the girl whose shouted for a help from safety pod. How they will talk about it? (NOT YAOI)


I got inspired by AxCFangirl story again titled Perfect Illusion. The story focused on Lacus actually. But then an idea appeared about how come Athrun never asked Kira about his relationship with Fllay. As we knew that she asked Cagalli about the voice from the safety pod and Kira so desperately tried to get it even Freedom got hit badly. And I did a research and this is it!

I hope all of you my dearest reader like it.

DISCLAIMER: Gundam SEED belongs to SUNRISE corp

This story 100% only my imagination.

* * *

**IF: OUR SECRET OUR BONDS**

**By fuyu aki**

Both of them have been very well known as good friends since childhood. The best of the best. There is no secret between the two of them. Yes, before they finally separated due to war. Maybe the more appropriate word is to move because both of them are men. Word parting seems too dramatic and romantic. After they both moved to follow their parents' unfortunate things, they did not contact each other, whether they did not know each other's contacts, did not know how to contact, or even forgot the existence of the best friend. It's an irony, considering that they are inseparable friends.

Actually, the answer is simple. War. War or perhaps more precisely conflict because war has not yet occurred, has begun to be seen between the Natural and Coordinators represented by the Earth Alliance - OMNI Enforcer and Blue Cosmos as promoters or investors who are an anti-Coordinator group with PLANTs represented by ZAFT. The conflict has an impact on communication, even in neutral countries, United Emirates of ORB.

Considering the character of each of the two friends, they have a very different characters but they cannot be separated. It's like a brothers, big brother and little brother maybe or not blood related brothers. So, there must be an urgency or a desire to contact that is very strong or maybe more precisely that sense of missing each other will be crossed in their mind. Maybe especially for Athrun Zala it should be happened. He is the TOP Student at the Copernicus Lunar Preparatory School. The condition as a TOP Student is not only supported by his smart -Coordinator- brain but also his personality. His attitude and well-mannered behavior which is always polite and kind makes him a topic to be talked about and noticed by many people. Many male students may be jealous of him, plus Athrun's appearance who does attract the attention of girls, but some male students are impressed with him because of his intelligence. As mentioned before, many female students like him not only because he is smart but also because of his attitude and appearance. Unfortunately, it makes Athrun limited and restrained his attitude, besides he has to keep his family's good name. He does not want to cause problems so it is not strange if he is not the type that is easy to open up with the others and easily approached at first or simply, quiet and _introverted_ and awkward type at first. But there are still people who like that side of him as well.

This condition is totally different from Kira Yamato. He is not a TOP Student like Athrun but he is also among the best students. He was one of those who did not envy Athrun's greatness. But they complement each other. Maybe the beginning of their introduction is unique, because their houses are next to each other. Knowing that Kira's family was not a Coordinator, Lenore, Athrun's mother immediately happy to help Caridad take care of Kira, who was only six years old. From then on, the friendship between Kira and Athrun began. Athrun knows Kira's life and Kira knows Athrun's life. They complement each other and understand each other.

At school, Kira is different from Athrun. He is a student who are diligent and sociable. The circle of friendship might be arguably greater than Athrun and Kira understands why Athrun limits himself. But only with Kira Athrun can open up. Kira attracts and take out Athrun from his world and Athrun also makes Kira understand his world. But this does not mean that Kira does not have many fans or Athrun does not want to do physical activities. The two of them were active students, even Athrun acknowledged that Kira was ahead of him in the _programming_ section. And if there is physical activity, Athrun is also happy to join. The bond between Athrun and Kira is a bond that cannot be broken by his friends. As if it was only theirs and it was true. Athrun knows Kira's secrets and Kira knows Athrun's secrets, isn't that a natural thing from friendship? To be honest with each other and not keep any secrets.

But since when has that thing changed? Since when was there a wall between them that kept them from seeing, hearing and talking to each other? Everything becomes awkward, everything becomes sensitive and seems impolite to be brought up. Maybe they both realized there was a phase of events and the time they passed when they were alone without the company of friends. When Kira was in ORB without Athrun and when Athrun was in PLANTs without Kira. When Kira tried to adjust to his new environment again without Athrun. When Athrun was engaged to Lacus and the death of Lenore in the _Bloody Valentine_ incident. The events they experience where they are and only experienced by themselves. But still, why should they hesitate to talk about it?

Maybe this was the intention of the farewell gift Athrun gave to Kira, Tori. The little bird robot was originally the aim of Kira's final project for microelectronics class but Athrun convinced Kira that Kira could not possibly because he remembered Kira's abilities in the class. He even explained to Kira that Athrun himself might not be able to make it even though he always gets the top ranking in these subjects [1]. But Kira who insisted on something funny that could fly and move his head, really like a bird in general and of course it has sounds too. After convincing Kira to make another project, the robot bird makes Athrun tries to challenge himself plus at that time he already got the information that he would move away from his father. There might also be a possibility at that time if Athrun felt or rather his intuition said that he did not know when he could meet with Kira again, even though he believed that Kira would follow him to PLANTs. Therefore, he wants to fulfill Kira's last wishes. He hopes that the gift can comfort Kira at that time although he is not sure that Kira can take care of it and in his heart, he tries to believe that Kira will always be there for him. They will not be separated.

* * *

But it is not the moving away, the separation, even the gift that is blocking and changing their friendship. It was war that changed them. Athrun is hindered by feelings of revenge due to the death of his mother so he wants to 'win' the Coordinator in the war that raged. Kira who accidentally got involved and just wanted to protect his friends because they were just civilians who were 'dragged'. Their conflict is different from when they were in school. It can't be solved right away like when Kira was lazy about doing micro-electronics, or when Kira was having a hard time because of Athrun fans. They 'lost contact' for about three or four years already and when they met there was a conflict between them. Athrun had doubts about Kira's loyalty to their friendship. He immediately assumed Kira changed, even when Lacus said that Kira kept Tori Athrun's gift, he didn't believe it. But it turns out it was true, Kira who is known to be careless and lazy with microelectronics turned out to keep the bird robot well. Athrun saw it when they met at ORB Union. Kira caring for the bird robot very well. It still works well. It seems that Tori made Kira to be serious in the field of microelectronics so that he could take good care of Tori without Athrun's help.

At that time Athrun's feelings might be considered chaotic. He did not expect his friend who was careless and whiny and like to complain, keep the good memories from him. Athrun never said or threatened the robot as a sign of friendship. He really just wanted to cheer up and fulfill Kira's expectations before they -maybe- could not meet again. Relief arose in Athrun, he wanted to trust his friend again. Believe that he and Kira still maintain their friendship. But he became doubtful because Kira was on the opposite side, Kira chose his friend over his best friend. He was honestly happy when Kira said that robots were valuable things from people who were very important to Kira because when they separated Kira and Athrun didn't say anything. Athrun only asks if Kira will move to PLANTs and assured Kira that war won't happened. But he was disappointed because they were on the opposite side and had decided to choose the path, they believed in.

Same thing with Kira. He looked after Tori well in the hope that he did not want to disappoint Athrun. He didn't want when he met Athrun Tori's condition was broken. He could not help but try to learn it, microelectronics which he hated and he succeeded even though he was not as good as Athrun was. When they met at ORB Union he felt like talking more with Athrun. They last met when Kira helped Lacus to meet Athrun. It was not a simple greeting like 'how are you' or 'hello' that was said from their mouths, but the two decided to fight each other. But from the second and third meetings, the two still tried to have a hope with their friendship despite their respective decisions regarding their position on the battlefield.

Once again, war destroys that hope. Nicol's death, Tolle's death, destroyed their beliefs and hopes. Their doubts, weaknesses, and naivety due to war conflicts conflicting and their friendship memories immediately disappeared. No matter what they stand for on the opposite side, they fight each other they try to finish each other out. Kira does not know Athrun's heartache and Athrun does not know Kira's heartache, there is no time to talk about it because they have decided to draw their swords. After the heartbreaking incident, slowly the two of them were accompanied by their friends who turned out to have the same goal of peace finally reuniting and the hurt in each other's hearts gradually healed. Kira and Athrun meet again as friends. Ended with a hug from Cagalli, the two friends can smile again at each other. As if it indicates that no matter OMNI Enforcer or ZAFT are all the same as what ORB Union expects. They are human beings and they are friends who already have a strong bond.

Like now, even though both Athrun and Kira have just become friends again, Athrun still understands what Kira looks like, how he feels, and how to deal with Kira who is basically careless, easy to cry, and too good oh, don't forget also stubborn. Athrun really wondered why Kira was desperately chasing a _safety pod_ that was suddenly launched from Vesalius. Maybe the people in the pod really need to be saved. But Athrun's instinct as a soldier said it was too risky because it was unknown who was in it. It could have been a trap due to the dangerous battlefield situation and Kira was very rash to advance into enemy territory alone with the condition of his unit which was no longer possible at that time. But, why is Kira desperately chasing _the safety pod_ and didn't care about the condition of himself and the unit. Without being asked, Kira only said that the person was the person whom Kira had hurt and was promised by Kira that he would protect her and Athrun who heard the words of his friend did not know what to say.

"What are you doing?" asked Cagalli who was rather annoyed because Athrun suddenly pulled her out from Kira's room.

"For now, it's better to wait for the right time to ask," Athrun said.

"Ah."

"It looks like he is in a bad condition," Athrun explained again and Cagalli bowed his head in agreement with Athrun's statement about Kira's condition.

"Do you recognize that voice?" Athrun asked Cagalli.

"Sound?" Cagalli was a little confused but he knew what Athrun meant, "Ah yes ... Fllay, previously he was a crew in Archangel and he was a friend of Kira and his other friends."

"I see," Athrun said weakly.

"Everyone seems to be crying," Athrun said after the two of them were silent for a while. Previously Athrun just smiled at Cagalli who was staring at the photo from Uzumi, he was sure that there were many questions in the blonde girl's head. [2]

* * *

Athrun was confused and worried about Kira's sudden fainting condition. The person in the safety pod and the fact about Kira who is not Yamato's biological child from the photo Cagalli obtained from Uzumi Nara Athha really made Kira's mind and feeling messed up and it seemed that something in Mendel's colony was related to it because Kira and Mwu returned by carrying a journal and a photo frame with the same photo like Cagalli got from Uzumi. At this point Kira's mind is very chaotic. There is a bit of guilt in Athrun's feeling because he suggested the Mendel colony as an area for them to hide because that was the only colony that was not used, the L4 area was free from Earth Alliance and ZAFT. Back again about Kira, Athrun actually curious about what happened as long as he did not contact each other with Kira, more precisely what made Kira become like this. But Athrun knows that Kira is now impossible to be asked.

Athrun then glanced at Cagalli who was leaning on his shoulder. "Cagalli?" Athrun asked.

Cagalli realized from what she was doing and then moved away by pushing Athrun's body gently, "Ah sorry what I did," she said in panic, "Eh ... that is ...," Cagalli confused to explain her attitude. As if her body reflexively did it.

Athrun then hugged her. He understood that Cagalli was worried and confused right now. He also felt a bit guilty for immediately pulling the girl out of Kira's room but Kira needed space and time for himself, accompanied by Lacus of course. "You say 'It must be hurt, huh?'"

Cagalli's eyes were perfectly rounded not only because Athrun suddenly hugged him but also said something shocking. "Always think about others and worry about others. Occasionally realize your own pain. Otherwise your heart will feel sad," Athrun said.

Athrun then smiled, "What is this, apparently you are also like a hamster." [3]

Cagalli then lightly struck Athrun's shoulder, "What did you say?" he sounded slightly annoyed.

"We better not be here. What if we move to a place that is calmer and quieter? Let Kira rest you also need to rest Cagalli," said Athrun.

"You. Also. Need. To. Rest," Cagalli replied and the two of them left.

* * *

Not long after chatting and resting for a moment, Cagalli invited Athrun to the Archangel. Cagalli wanted to meet Murrue to find out their next plan, considering that Fllay was in the hands of Dominion and Dominion who seemed to be pursuing Archangel and Eternal who were certainly the target of ZAFT. Although it seems that the core problem is still with ZAFT and Earth Alliance or the Blue Cosmos. After they finished discussing it with Murrue - with the reason Athrun represented Eternal - Cagalli invited Athrun to the cafeteria, although at first Athrun was reluctant but yes, he relented and resigned. In the cafeteria Cagalli and Athrun saw Miriallia who seemed to be having a rather serious conversation with Sai and of course there was Dearka.

"Are you sure you're okay Sai? We're talking about Fllay here," Miriallia said, sounding worried.

"I know, but what else can we do at least she with Lieutenant Badgiruel. You know that our priority right now is not Fllay," said Sai, who was a little annoyed.

Dearka sighed, "Looking at our condition now the safest way is certainly during the war. It is impossible for us to carry out a rescue mission." Miriallia immediately gave _death glare_ to Dearka.

Cagalli and Athrun accidentally overheared it. It seems that their arrival was not realized by the three. After taking the drinking water and giving it to Athrun, Cagalli was curious and approached them. Athrun had time to prevent, however, nothing can stop Cagalli when dealing with her curiosity.

"Caga-"

"Hey, what are you talking about?" asked Cagalli who immediately caught Miriallia, Sai, and Dearka's attention.

"Talking about how to help this bespectacled boy's lover," Dearka said casually. "The girl who had screwed up the situation on the battlefield because of the _universal intercom_ she used," he added.

"Hey!" scolded Miriallia. As for Sai, he just kept his head down and drank his drink a little. Cagalli and Athrun just looked at each other. Athrun actually becomes a thought why is Kira like desperately chasing and helping her and Sai is her lover? What's going on here?

"What is Elsman-san talking about is true Miriallia if we are too rash then we don't know what the impact will be. You see how Kira's condition is right?" Sai said. Both Miriallia and Cagalli were a bit shocked and immediately fell silent and slightly bowed their heads and this was not slipped from Athrun and Dearka's attention. Especially Athrun because the name of his best friend is called.

"Um, maybe it's not my position to ask, but what does Kira have to do with that girl?" Athrun asked. Dearka also immediately looked serious, curious about the youth conflict that occurred.

Sai and Miriallia looked at each other and nodded slowly. "Kira when was in school had a feeling for Fllay. But there were rumors that Sai sent a love letter to Fllay and that had made Kira surprised," Miriallia said.

"Our parents knew each other and I was engaged to Fllay. I'm not sure if my feelings were welcomed, so I tried to send him a letter and Fllay received it," Sai added.

Athrun's eyes blinked several times. He was not strange with arranged marriages but, did he not mishear Sai is Fllay's lover? "Then what about Kira's relationship with her?"

Miriallia furrowed her eyebrows, "It's hard to explain during school. Kira was only a _secret admirer_ or only regarded Fllay as _crush_. "

"But why is Kira's reaction ..."

"He broke up with me with reason that his father died and because our relationship just an agreement of both parents. He prefers Kira who I myself don't understand why. I had a time discussing this matter with Fllay and Kira but ended up not good. We almost fought physically. Fllay explained that the one who understands what Kira feels and can take care Kira was her and vice versa, "Sai said, who still sounded heavy to talk about. "Both physically and mentally," he added, which further confused Athrun.

"And after that everything changed," Miriallia said.

"Heh?" Athrun again grew confused.

"Fllay gave all of her attention to Kira. Kira also gave all of his attention to Fllay. Sai was briefly hit by a military sentence but after that everything was fine as there was nothing happened just like before. Only Fllay and Kira changed," explained Miriallia.

Athrun was quite surprised. Not expecting his best friend to take someone else's lover. Fllay Allster, she knows what she wanted and she also can make Kira followed her wishes. Cagalli felt the chatter became heavy and began to worry about Athrun, she immediately pulling Athrun's hand, "Then if you'll excuse me, we just want to take only drinking water. See you later," Cagalli said and immediately dragged Athrun who seemed to be drowning in his thoughts.

* * *

"Athrun?"

Athrun then woke up from his reverie. I don't know since when Cagalli had taken him or rather pulled him into one of the empty aisles in the Archangel. He then looked at Cagalli's worried face. "You are okay?" Cagalli asked.

"Ah yes, it's just ..."

"Were you surprised because of Kira they were talking about?"

"Eh?"

"When I saw your expression, I concluded that you seemed to be unbelieving. Do not believe that Kira is like that," Cagalli said. "I actually accidentally overheard the conversation between Sai, Kira, and, Fllay. I accidentally passed by Fllay and Sai. It seems they want to talk about their relationship condition, I don't understand. But then they started to argue and in the middle of the debate Kira came. I hiding behind rocks," explained Cagalli.

Cagalli then glanced at Athrun who seemed ready for all of what Cagalli would talk about. "She then hugged Kira like asking for Kira's protection and then I accidentally overheard if Fllay was in Kira's room together with Kira. Sai was upset and Kira said that he was tired of what he had experienced. Kira said that Fllay was kind and promised will protect Kira and always accompany him. Even to the point that if Sai fights him, Sai will never win. "

Athrun was surprised again, could not believe that the gentle Kira could be like that. Like someone who is already on the dark side. "A few days later, the Archangel crew allowed Kira to be accompanied by me to shop for supplies in the city. I don't know what the purpose was, but it seemed to change Kira's mood," explained Cagalli. "Fllay requested for _branded_ goods that are clearly not available there. She really is rather troublesome in my opinion."

Athrun returned to silence and thought of something, "That girl with Kira in Kira's room?"

Cagalli sighed, "I myself also surprised and not sure what they mean by whether I just stayed in Kira's room or had sex or not. I don't know. I'm sorry if I speak bluntly like this because isn't that normal to talk about? But taboo to do it of course. But, at that moment I felt like I was listening and seeing a soap opera. It was a bit annoying and disgusting also because I felt I was in the wrong place and time so I heard that unpleasant debate, "Cagalli said irritably.

"Then?"

"I kind of kept my distance when there was that girl, for some reason I felt something was wrong with that girl's attitude especially when I was chatting with Kira on the deck. The girl came while taking off her uniform, tying her underwear to show her belly and also showing her cleavage. I immediately did not want to interrupt their 'intimate' moments, "explained Cagalli.

Athrun increasingly does not believe what he hears. Kira can be so a naïve person. Come to think of what they experienced was similar but Kira was very sensitive, he was very sensitive to matters relating to feelings. His position as Coordinator among Natural is indeed very heavy. Athrun can understand now. Kira didn't have anyone. But Fllay, this girl is very obvious that if she uses this opportunity, she manipulates Kira ah no, maybe even not only Kira. This girl is the daughter of the late _Prime Minister _Allster, she must know about politic even a little. She might be said something people would believe. The point here is manipulation, it might sound evil but that's what was concluded by Athrun and Kira, manipulated by the girl even though she could understand a little about Kira's condition at the time what it looked like. But besides that, more precisely why does Kira keep such a big secret himself and not tell him about it?

Cagalli who saw Athrun lost in thought pulled the sleeve of Athrun's clothes and suddenly hugged him. Like a mother trying to calm her child. "Relax, I'm sure Kira will be fine and maybe he will tell you one day. You just have to be patient and wait."

Athrun just smiled at the attention that Cagalli was giving to him. "I will wait for the moment when Kira can tell it well," Athrun said.

* * *

Playing with the children in the orphanage managed by Malchio is very tiring, not only because they are many but the sun in this tropical country really makes Athrun quickly feel tired and sweaty. Since the war ended, the orphanage which was initially funded by the late Siegel Clyne was assisted by Athha from ORB. Cagalli to be more precise. Because in this place Kira and Lacus and accompanied by Caridad Yamato stayed after the war was over. Athrun decided to go to the ORB Union after previously he also lived with them.

Athrun sat down exhausted after being dragged by the orphans to play with them. Hide and seek, soccer, and sand they had done all of it but the kids were still tugging at Athrun. "Come on Alex, we're playing football again," whined one of the black-haired boys.

"Athrun, not Alex!" said one of the brown-haired boys

"He is Athrun here but if in ORB he is Alex," explained one of the twins tailed haired girls.

"Then which one is it?" asked one of the brown-haired boys who looked just four years old.

Athrun sighed, it was not strange to see these children arguing about his name [4]. After he accepted a job from Cagalli and Kisaka [5] he told Kira and the others including the orphans. But it turned out that the story actually made the orphans confused with Athrun's identity. Some even cried because they felt cheated by Athrun. Cagalli naturally laughed while helping to explain while Athrun had panicked.

"Are you tired?" Cagalli asked while giving him a small towel.

"Even though this body is well trained but still, it cannot be matched with the children. I don't know where their energy comes from," Athrun said.

Cagalli lightly hit Athrun's shoulder, "You sound like Waltfeld or Murdoch, you're not old. You haven't even entered the head of two yet in your age, you know that, right?"

Athrun chuckled, "Yeah, I know. Oh yeah, where's Kira? I saw that he was accompanying Claire and Maria looking for a shell."

"Lacus told me, at a time like this Kira is usually in that little church," said Cagalli. "I don't know what he is doing. Because Lacus didn't accompany him and didn't know the reason why Kira was always there, I didn't want to ask questions."

Hearing Cagalli's explanation actually attracted Athrun's attention to find out. He then stood up from his seat. "Athrun?" Cagalli asked.

"I'll look after him and maybe talking as well. It's almost time for dinner. We can't let him forget to eat because he is still recovering," Athrun said. Athrun then immediately went to the small church referred by Cagalli.

* * *

The church on Marshall Island is a newly built church at the request of Lacus. The church is only a place where these children can pray. Malchio was, of course, the pastor and indeed he was a priest even though he was blind. Athrun entered the Church and found Kira standing alone, staring straight at a replica of the statue of Pieta [6]. Athrun then approached his friend and stood next to him, not saying anything.

"This Pieta statue reminds me of my situation first," Kira said.

"The figure of Jesus who was in Maria's lap after the crucifixion [7]. I feel like after being sacrificed by many people that there still a light of hope for him. There will be someone who will reach out and love him. This statue reminds me of Fllay," said Kira suddenly.

Athrun felt the whole of himself tense. Lacus did say that for some time Kira always went to this little church. Especially after the repair and construction of this institution and church on Marshall Island. But finally, the moment awaited by Athrun arrived, Kira mentioned the name of the girl who had attracted his curiosity at the time of the last war.

"Fllay Allstar, may sound like a cliche but she seems to be my first love. The figure who promised to guard, love, and protect me reminded me of the figure of Maria and I might be like Jesus. Sounds really weird and cliched isn't it?" said Kira. "Fllay, she's an attractive girl, a typical girl in general. She ... I think she is the only one who understands me when I'm in a mess but it turns out we're wrong and I haven't had time to apologize to her."

"Apologize?"

"Actually there is one thing I want to ask you Ath. If there are people who can provide you comfort and secure place, what will you do?"

Athrun remained silent for a moment and he remembered what it felt like to be in his mother's arms, his affection but then he would never feel it again. Then he 'tried' to find that comfort and secure from Lacus but, it was very different when he was with Cagalli. Yes, only Cagalli can provide a sense of security for him, just like her mother even though him house is different. "Of course I will feel happy and will probably try to continue to be with that person."

"Even if she offers a 'forbidden fruit'?"

Athrun raised an eyebrow, he did not understand and became curious about his best friend's intentions. What is meant by Kira with 'forbidden fruit'. "What do you mean, Kira?"

"Euh, I did 'that' at that time with him," Kira said quietly.

Athrun was surprised, he was confused about what to say. He did not believe his best friend who was known as a young man who easily cried, was too kind, innocent, had difficulty to say no or refusing people, and was naïve, dare to do a taboo thing. Athrun then realized from his reverie, "You mean by physical relationships in the form of sex, am I right?" He then remembered the conversation with Cagalli.

Athrun tried to lower his voice but there was a sense of emotion that rose from within him. He himself confused how to describe it, angry? Upset? Heartache? He does not know. Kira just nodded while bowing his head, agreed with Athrun's question.

Athrun covered his face and sighed. He did not believe it turned out that Kira kept a 'big' secret. But, when viewed in terms of age, it can be looked like something between reasonable or unreasonable action. Kira who was sixteen at the time and Fllay, who was fifteen, Athrun didn't expect them to be so rash. Once, Kira told Athrun that Fllay was an amazing girl because she was able to behave like a normal human being at that time. A general reaction which can only be shown by girls on her age. However, to do such a taboo thing, Athrun didn't understand. Plus Fllay was a fiance or lover of Sai Argyle at that time too. It is very clear that love is not present in their actions, but love is covered with emotions of vengeance and fear. Physical relationships are natural for a couple but surely for Athrun it will be more feasible to do after marriage, especially sex. How urgent they are to need someone to support each other and ended up doing something reckless?

"Then what happens after that?" Athrun felt that the question he was asking was incorrect but he felt that Kira had not finished telling the story.

"She continued to accompany me who at that time was chaotic with all the comfort and secure she always gave. She said after her father's death, she had nothing to do with Sai anymore and she needed me and at that moment I did need someone. I had a fight with Sai, but we can be friends again. I, still respect the feelings of Fllay and Sai, to the point that I consider that our relationship is a mistake," said Kira.

"Mistake?"

"That this relationship is wrong. We were wrong back then. We just want to care for our own feelings. Because we were both destroyed at the time. When Fllay lost her father and when I failed to protect the people that I was supposed to protect and also I was the Coordinator in Natural environment. We were both too naive and weak and ended up taking advantage of each other's conditions and feelings," Kira added.

From the story Kira Athrun can conclude that the girl was willing to do anything to revenge her father, but she did not know what to do and how to do it. That's a very natural thing when he remembered the girl's past when Ssigh told the story. The girl can't let it go yet wholeheartedly. Athrun understood because like when his mother died, a grudge had in his mind. But he was a man and knew what he had to do, it totally different with Fllay. In these conditions, only Kira that she could rely on but it was unexpected that she had to do such a taboo. But as the people saying goes _you sow, so you shall reap_ or an idiom _dog eat dog_ or _the end justifies the means_. He also did not think Kira could be so easily 'lulled'.

"But I really want to protect him Ath, I promised," said Kira.

Athrun knows that Kira is a young man who holds his words but isn't this too naïve. It seems that Kira felt he had made a big mistake to her, owed her something big. Yes, he **promised** that he would help her father, save her father but God's destiny said otherwise. The girl lost her father and of course she blamed Kira. Kira as a Coordinator and she considers that Kira **certainly** can. But this girl was not too close to Kira so it was definitely Kira being played by this girl, if from Athrun's perspective but Athrun was trying to understand Kira's position and also Fllay at that time.

But Athrun could not understand why he took such an extreme step. When Cagalli is sad Athrun can only give her a hug. Even when Lacus cried, Kira could only hug her. But why with this girl named Fllay ... but, it's useless to think about it, rice has become porridge and anyway it doesn't need to be brought up anymore. It's just according to Athrun Kira has acted out of common sense, he had sex with someone's fiance.

"Athrun?" Kira seeing his best friend who doesn't respond.

"Ah sorry it's just that. Are you feel sorry or regret?" Athrun once again felt the question he was asking was wrong.

"Her death is one of regret in my life but, I have decided not to sink too much. Then regarding my relationship with her, I do not regret it being able to know her but I know our way at that time was wrong and I don't want to repeat it."

Athrun had seen the photo of the girl. Beautiful, that's what Athrun thought. An innocent and cheerful girl who just enjoys her life without any burden. Like Lacus – at the first when Athrun met her- The girl is attractive. Yzak even admitted it, she was interesting even though her mindset was too naive and soft. But when talking about physical, women are created that way. Physically they are beautiful, not manly like men. Athrun himself found Cagalli attractive and charming, even at first he was embarrassed and surprised when he met Cagalli for the first time. There were some physical and accidental contacts where Athrun sees the girl only in her underwear and he remembers parental advice and _self-control _whichimmediately distracts him. But, which man is not interested especially if they are at the age to feel attracted to the opposite sex or rather start changing the mindset about the opposite sex.

Kira knew this conversation was sounded rude especially when it discussed with Athrun who was known to maintain good relations with women. Maybe if he talked about this with Tolle and Kuzzey they would actually congratulate Kira for successfully 'graduating from his virginity' but is that something to be proud of? Especially done with things that look only because of dark emotion. Even though he could control himself when Lacus innocently took off his clothes, was it because he knew Lacus was Athrun's fiancée? But regarding Fllay is a secret that he did not tell anyone, maybe Lacus and Cagalli will be an exception after Athrun.

What Fllay offered at that time was what he really needed. Comfort and safety. Fllay offers that, Fllay provides a sense of security even in the wrong way. Kira welcomed her, he welcomed the helping hand and felt comfortable in the wrong way. Is it because his feelings were welcomed because he actually put his heart on the girl? Or because of physical contact provided? But actually Kira realized, Fllay had chosen someone and that was his friend, Sai. Kira knew Sai was paying attention to the girl, sent a love letter and Fllay received it even if he was not mistaken both their parents knew each other and Fllay was engaged to Sai. Kira had seen photos of Sai and Fllay when visiting the young man's house after the war and Kira knew, Fllay's happiness and smile were only for Sai. [8]

Kira felt very guilty towards Sai, but what Kira saw was Sai trying to accept. Accept the fact that he lost to Kira. Whether it's about the problem of Natural or Coordinator or not but, Sai feels not comparable to Kira who is superior to him and he accepts it, wholeheartedly. But Sai remembers his relationship with Kira as a friend and what caused them to finally become involved in the battlefield and what was the reason they advanced to the battlefield. Sai acts like a man, he tries to be mature and tough. He gave up Fllay because Fllay needed a figure that could be more relied on, but that wasn't Sai, though Sai knew what Fllay really felt. Kira feeling very guilty even shy, moreover it turned out that in the end Sai still welcomed him and said that he was happy when he found out that Kira was still alive. They make peace with Sai saying that he feels frustrated. But both Kira and Sai are convinced that there are things Kira cannot do and that only Sai can and vice versa [9].

Even when Tolle and Kira were gone, Sai tried to be strong and try to maintain the feelings of his friends who were crushed, especially Miriallia but that does not mean he did not want to pay attention to Fllay. For him, Fllay was still important but there was something more 'destroyed' at that time, Miriallia. When Fllay was transferred, Sai was not unwilling to prevent her but he tried to be professional as a soldier, a mutation of duties was natural things that happened. Even when Kira finally dared to tell her Fllay was gone, Sai cried. For Sai and also Kira, Fllay was also an important figure even though Fllay might have been a part of Sai's past since Fllay preferred Kira.

* * *

Athrun wanted to hit Kira, unexpectedly his best friend had this kind of secret and seemed to have a 'magnet' attracting the attention of a girl that someone else already had. Maybe the thoughts that came up needed to be rectified because basically Kira is a nice person and some female friends when they were in school together liked him too. But in Fllay and Lacus's cases, Athrun was confused about the conclusions. Fllay clearly immediately 'attacked' Kira, while Lacus was an innocent girl but she knew what was interesting about Kira. In the case of Lacus, Athrun actually did not want to think too much because he himself was surprised when he returned to PLANTs with his mother, apparently his father had planned their engagement [10].

Athrun at that time wanted to scream but he could not, he had to protect the good name of the Zala family. So he thought about getting to know the girl named Lacus Clyne. An innocent and sweet girl who turns out to prefer Kira rather than him in the end. That's okay, because at first Athrun also thought of his engagement as an obligation and based on the results of the superiority of the test if his genes with the Lacus gene were suitable and it was possible to have kids. But in the end, Athrun was still surprised when Lacus said he liked Kira rather than Athrun. He was sure and knew that he loved Lacus Clyne but, he still treated her like a _lady_ because many people pay attention to them, their parents, their friends and even the media. He realized, if he acts in a wrong way then everything could be chaotic and screwed up at once. But, now he is with Cagalli a girl who can make himself as he is and accept himself completely. Dearka said, ' _My best friend steals my girlfriend, so I steal her sister instead_'[11], right in front of Athrun and Kira, which caused both of them to experience a moment of awkwardness because Kira did not know that Athrun liked Cagalli. But Kira was finally able to draw conclusions because Athrun had gotten jealous and tried to pull Cagalli from Kira when they were joking while resting [12]. Athrun immediately changed the subject so that he had never discussed his relationship with Cagalli to Kira after Dearka said that.

"You remember first, it seems I always know about you and you also know about me. But since when we begin to not understand or rather to not tell each other?" Athrun asked. He remembered well that they used to boast to each other in situations where Athrun knew Kira very well and Kira knew Athrun very well in front of their friends.

"We're still like that Ath," said Kira.

"I know but, maybe this sounds childish but, since when have we not known each other's secrets?" Athrun asked again.

Kira kept silence. They both remained silent for a while. No one answered, they just stared straight at the Pieta statue. "Maybe ... since we realize that this bond is unbroken and deep in our conscience, we are actually still connected," Kira answered.

"Huh?"

"This bond of friendship is what makes us know everything inside us, whether spoken or not. Maybe in simple way, we can see from each of our body language. I know when you thoughts many things and kept it for yourself and you know when I'm sad, "explained Kira. "Even if it's a secret or not, we already know it's just when we're honest to tell each other. Like when I saw your closeness with Cagalli. I was confused and maybe jealous but it turns out it's because I care about Cagalli as siblings. But, seeing you comfortable with Cagalli's whereabouts and Cagalli too so I leave it and I wait for you to tell me. I support your relationship, you know that? "

Athrun scratched the back of his neck. He smiled. Kira is right, they have been connected to each other despite being far apart. They can feel each other differencies or something that kept as secret. Nothing has changed. It same like when Cagalli asked if Kira had changed, Athrun answered that nothing had changed from Kira. [13] "You're right buddy," Athrun said steadily.

"But, given your past with the Fllay girl, I'm not sure about I gave up Lacus to you. Are you sure you didn't do anything to her?" Athrun asked, embracing Kira. A fad question but sounds a bit threatening.

Kira then gives _death glare_ to Athrun. "I also asked the same thing. Considering you said that you kissed Cagalli and you took the initiative first ... I'm not sure either. Especially you live together now. Is there really nothing between two of you? Now who doesn't have _self-control_, huh?"

Damn, Athrun just pressed the wrong button. He forgot that Kira was protective enough especially regarding Cagalli. "That is ..." Athrun said confused.

"Now you say you can't give up on Lacus? Then do you intend to two timings my sister?" Threaten Kira again. "I'm so worried about your _womanizer's_ side , Athrun. Many of our school friends say that you're a female magnet. Hmmm ..."

"Cut it out, Kira! I'm only serious about Cagalli and swear even in front of this Pieta statue if I don't intend to play around with her feeling. At that time, it just a ..."

"A?"

" _A minor youthful indisrection_ , huh?"

"You," Kira then ruffled Athrun's hair.

Without realizing each of them has a mistake and also secrets that they are difficult to convey. The two of them then just looked at each other and laughed. An act that is not wise due to their naivete actually become a learning things and strengthen their relationship. An argument or misunderstanding or dishonesty can strengthen a relationship after all can be resolved and forgiven.

* * *

Done, please Read and Review! Sorry if the conclusion and the end of the story is too short and fast.

Oh and for this story I have a lots of notes.

**NOTE:**

**1\. Described on the GUNDAM SEED DRAMA CD CD VOL.01 KIRA YAMATO x GUNDAM STRIKE and ZOLA ATHRUN ZALA x CAGALLI YULA ATHHA.**

**2\. Quoted from the conversation of Athrun and Cagalli in Gundam SEED Remastered episode 44: A Place for the Soul.**

**3\. According to EASY CYNIC's 50 LOVE CLIPPER 2103 by 'Itami' (PAIN).**

**4\. Based on the response of the orphans when they saw Athrun in Gundam SEED Destiny Remastered episode 8: JUNCTION.**

**5\. Read Fuyu's Fanfic titled IF: Fortune.**

**6\. At the end of the episode Gundam SEED Remastered episode 48 which is actually combined with the Final Plus episode there is a small church building next to where Kira and Lacus live and inside the church there is a statue of Pieta.**

**7\. Fuyu got that explanation from Wikipedia. I apologize for the error.**

**8\. At the end of the episode of Gundam SEED Remastered episode 48 which is actually combined with the Final Plus episode there is a scene when Sai is typing and there are boards attached with several photos, one of them is Fllay who wants to hug Sai with a happy face, while Sai is not ready or surprised.**

**9\. Based on Kira and Sai's conversation in the Gundam SEED Remastered episode 34: In the Name of Justice when Kira asked about Fllay.**

**10\. Based on the Gundam SEED DRAMA CD CD Vol 03 Lacus Clyne x Haro.**

**11\. Based on the talk, jokes, and memes of fans who think Kira took his fiancee, therefore Athrun took his younger brother (Cagalli).**

**12\. Based on the artwork where in the picture Cagalli hugged Kira from behind and Athrun pulled at the edge of Cagalli's shirt. Athrun's facial expression doesn't look like or is jealous.**

**13\. Based on the conversation between Athrun and Cagalli in Gundam SEED Remastered episode 37: Athrun.**


End file.
